around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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