Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
