He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
