I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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