now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
