These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
