I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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