Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Fuck appropriateness.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize