I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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