Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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