Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
