I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
