Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
