Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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