Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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