shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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