Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
