where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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