i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
