my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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