bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
