I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
