i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
