For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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