Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
