so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
