dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
