dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
