i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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