Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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