I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
