last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
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Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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