the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
