"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize
