Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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