Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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