Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
