guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
