they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
