She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
