sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
