Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I smell like Dick and happiness
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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