Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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