my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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