Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
