Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
