found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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