Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
