Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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