I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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