I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
