pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
