no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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