textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
