drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
