Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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