Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
