He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
