and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i've created a new STD.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
