Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
