just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
