Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
