I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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