Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
