YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
