Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
