Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize