Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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