Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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