Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
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I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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