I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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