Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
