I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
