Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
