What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
